#22 - Taos 9/15/18 -REFLECTION

Twelve days ago I celebrated my 79th birthday!  A little bittersweet.... Do I miss those long ago days when I had great legs, a nice smile and lived life with strong certainty that I could accomplish anything? - Hell, Yes!!!  Now I move ever more slowly and my word of the day, every day, is "Adapt"!  I walk with a cane - a crooked knee the result of my glory weightlifting days at the Northside Health Spa - I leg lifted 400 lbs - not a smart move.   A lovely lady named "Hope" comes in to help me clean twice a month.  Am working very hard to keep my home to  a certain minimalism in order to avoid having my own special on Hoarders!.  Willingly gave up my car keys about three years ago - figure I probably saved a few lives by staying off the highway!  Am finding this time in my life to be quite adventuresome - like visiting an unfamiliar planet!  I had no intention of ever being "old"!

The temptation is to pretend that I am still capable of setting the world on fire!  Yeah, right after my afternoon nap!  The other day I saw a woman doing a marathon for old people at the age of 106!  Damn!  Puts me to shame.  I am slower now - I stop and rest every so often while doing housework.  Satisfied that I won't make the Guinness Book of World Records anytime soon.  If there is an award for quiet determination, I will take first prize! 

The underpainting above"Autumn Fields at Ranchitos" is 60"x36" inches - I have been working on it for a while now and plan to have it finished by Monday or Tuesday of next week.  It is one of my favorite places - high on a ridge above this little valley.  Whenever life got too chaotic, I would get into my pickup truck and park on that little hill to feel the peace and silence.  Yes,  I still find great joy in my work -- purpose and meaning.

This blog is part of my new adventure.  Have wanted to quit several times, because some of it is very difficult to relive.  What I know for sure is that life is never lived in a straight line - there are no accidents.  There have been amazing "Wayshowers" throughout my life.  These writings are helping me to get reacquainted with them and to be grateful for their presence.  Am also realizing there was no "good" or "bad" - each experience was essential from the beginning until this very day!  Am certain there are some surprises waiting just around the corner!      

#21 - EUREKA!!! MAMA LEARNS TO PAINT!

Jan Herring had taken a workshop led by Frederic Taubes, a well-known Polish painter and author.  Apparently she excelled and he invited her to be his assistant the following year.  Taubes had studied the methods of the Flemish masters and developed a line of copal painting mediums, which when applied to a board or canvas allowed the artist to complete a piece of art in one sitting.  This was called "alla prima" - all at once.

After two or three workshop demonstrations by Jan, I realized that paintings just didn't "happen" - there were probably thousands of ways to paint and this was only one way to do it.  It is a myth that artists just imagine a painting, sit down and put some colors to canvas and a work of art is born.  Here was my first experience, my first understanding that there was a craft to creating - a technique that had to be learned. Now as I am writing this from my home in Taos 50 years later, I know it is a life long learning process.

Jan explained the method of working with the copal mediums and made a very complicated process look easy.  I wrote many notes and felt that my head could explode at any minute.  Words like underpainting, glazes, cartoon (the drawing), dark to light - ways of applying color.  Remembering some of the Renaissance paintings from the Art Institute....yes, here was a way those artists put their colors on the canvas!  It did not happen by accident, these paintings were made by mixing and layering colors - method, technique, craft.   I was learning new words - a whole new language!

The second day of study we opened our paint tubes and laid out the colors.   My first attempts at alla prima were forgettable.  We worked from live models and there were still lifes set up all around the studio.  Jan gave each student individual critiques and encouragement.   Her energy kept us all at a high level of creativity.  I had never had this experience of  being in a room where everyone spoke the language of art all the time.  Here was a teacher, a woman who seemed to have it all - a home and family and work that she loved - she was an inspiration!

Each evening I made a call to Santa Fe and talked to my babies  at that moment aching to be home with them - to see their sweet faces.  Homesickness overtook me.  Too much excitement - jumbled thoughts, ideas for paintings.  This was the "how of it" but it was only the beginning - a whole new beginning.

After the workshop ended, Jan took me aside and asked if I would assist her during next year's workshop.  Without hesitation, I agreed!

#20 - JAN'S MAGIC BRUSHES!

Jan Herring was a dynamo.  Quite simply, she loved people and she loved to teach!  Married to a Texas farmer named Henry they raised their family in Clint, Texas.  She began painting in 1952 and it was my understanding that she had studied with well-known artist and writer, Frederic Taubes. Over the span of her career, she produced more than 12,000 paintings!  She exhibited in over 103 one-woman shows and won many major awards, including the American Artist Gold Medal in New York City - all while raising children and keeping her home in Texas.  (Here I am reminded of Gov. Ann Richards comment about Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire - "She did it dancing backwards and in high heels"!)  Each summer Jan maintained a large teaching studio space at the Lodge, plus a separate cottage on the grounds as living space.   Thanks to our friend Ernie's El Paso gallery connection with Jan, I had been given the gift of one week's workshop experience!  It changed my life!

All through those years of visiting the Chicago Art Institute and living with the Renaissance and Impressionist painters, there was a great mystery.  How did they do it?  I had studied these works intensely and all I had were questions - I still didn't even know what I didn't know.  I was as empty as those few blank canvases staring at me that first Monday morning of this painting workshop.  I didn't even know enough to have any expectations - life is so full of surprises!

There were about 20 students - the door opened and Jan appeared.  Laughing and affable she put the entire room at ease.  Tensions disappeared in those first few minutes.  She put a newsprint pad on her easel in front of the room and made some charcoal sketches of faces and figures - gesture drawings, proportions - fast flowing information quickly written down in my notebook.  She put a model in front of us and we practiced some sketches.  After lunch she did a demonstration in the Taubes technique of alla prima oil painting with copal mediums. All based on Mr. Taubes' lifelong study of the Flemish masters.  I was faint with joy!  Answers to some of my questions!  After this first class, the studio crackled with new energy and much excited conversation!  We were in awe of Jan and her magic brushes!!

Note from Taos: Last night I read an article which stated that college art majors had the same chance of finding jobs as high school dropouts!  Jan's workshop was the equivalent of a full college art course!

#19-MAMA TAKES SOME BABY STEPS

Need to start this post with a huge confession.  Although my resume states that I studied at the Art Institute of Chicago, my night school studies there lasted only one half of the first semester.  Started out with high expectations of learning the basics.  Although I won prizes all through my grade and high school, I wanted to learn HOW TO PAINT!!!  Read many books on technique, but I really didn't know what that meant or where to look to find it.

This attempt to learn how to paint was in the early sixties - beatniks, coffee houses and marijuana.  Perhaps I was too straight-laced to understand what our professor meant as he roamed around the basement classroom telling us to "BE FREE"!!   From his reaction to my work (some rolling of the eyes and a sneer or two) it was clear I didn't "get the picture".  My only conclusion was that I was too "square" to understand what he meant.  One evening I looked at this fellow and realized that he would never be able to teach me what I needed to learn.  I picked up my big newsprint pad and portfolio and left.  If I really wanted to make art - good art - I would need to look elsewhere.  It was clear to me that freedom comes when you relinquish past habits and old ideas.  As far as technique was concerned, I was fresh off the farm.  I didn't even know what I didn't know, but I was determined to
learn!

Looking back now from many many years of painting, what I have learned is that technique develops gradually and is always subject to change.  At first I was completely impressed by Jan Herring's workshop and painted what she taught me for quite a long time.  Then I tried working in the styles of artists whose paintings I admired - not always a good idea if you want to remain friends.  TECHNIQUE IS A LIFELONG PROCESS!  It unfolds gradually.....and, if an artist is a little rebellious and of an independent mind, they trust themselves enough to allow their work to change!   One thing leads to another.  Painting is heart work.  Once galleries start to market an artist's work and they start to sell it becomes much more difficult to BE FREE!

Back to Cloudcroft....Here I was in this strange place, missing my babies.  Honestly I had no idea how I got into this "workshop" situation.  This was as exciting as every first day of school!  I had a big newsprint pad, some vine charcoal, fresh beautiful tubes of paint and blank canvases.  The studio room at the Lodge was huge.  I marked out my space and spread all my supplies around me.  (A tear in my eye to remember this)   I took out my note pad and pencil, prepared to learn everything Jan Herring could teach me!

#18 - CLOUDCROFT/THE LODGE

 

Late on a beautiful Sunday afternoon, my Greyhound Bus arrived in Alamogordo, New Mexico.  Alamagordo's elevation was 8600 feet. A car from the hotel was waiting to take me  to 9,000 ft!   Our trip to the Lodge was an uphill climb all the way.... heavy forests on either side of the road with only a few buildings tucked every mile here and there. This place, these mountains were strange to me.  This was beyond adventure - it was a giant leap to another planet!   The driver of the car was very chatty and told the story of the Lodge.  It had been built in 1899 to facilitate taking lumber for the new railroad.  Later it developed as a resort and famous people stayed there - Judy Garland, Clark Gable, Pancho Villa and a resident ghost named Rebecca!

Apparently Rebecca still lives in a room downstairs in the hotel.   She was a chambermaid at there in 1920 and 1930.  One night her huge lumberjack boyfriend caught her in bed earning some extra money with another man and killed her on the spot! There are many documented sightings as she roams the halls of the Lodge freely. She is  known to be a redheaded gentle presence among guests and staff of the hotel.

After unloading my art supplies and suitcase, I was led to the dining room  for supper.  I watched the sun set from the huge windows and had a quiet moment to reflect on all the changes in my life since leaving Chicago.  What was I doing here?  Later I sat in the common area of the lobby hoping to acclimate myself to this new experience.  It felt strange to be without my babies.  I missed them tugging at me and wanted to be back in Santa Fe with our familiar nightime routine of baths and bedtime stories. I pushed down a giant wave of homesickness.  At the same time it was exciting to  be starting art class early the next morning.  Although I had been in night classes at the Art Institute of Chicago, this workshop situation was new to me.  I had no idea what to expect, nor did I realize the impact this experience would have on the rest of my life.....blank is the end and blank is the beginning!  

ON THE ROAD....1968

The New Year celebrations were very quiet on Alegre Street that year.  It was a time of adjustment, settling into routines. The babies were growing fast and developing their own personalities.  I loved watching them; every day there was something new.  They were funny little people and I enjoyed being their mother. Although I was excited by the newness of Santa Fe, I did not have a sense of belonging anywhere.  Winter gave way to spring and when the snow melted, the same old weedy yard stared back at me...I was depressed.

We celebrated my son's third birthday at the end of May.  The following month I would be taking a bus to Cloudcroft for the painting workshop with Jan Herring.  She sent a list of supplies I would need and we headed to Langell's Art Store in Albuquerque.  The place was huge and the smell of turpentine and oil paints woke me up to life again.  I got out that little wooden box and filled it with the new paint tubes and brushes.  My only reservations were in leaving the babies for a week, but I was assured that their dad and Ernie would take good care of them.

This was an opportunity for me to learn how to paint!  It is one thing to want to be an artist; you can talk about it, dress like an artist, but doing art takes time and dedication.  The "craft of painting" is a life-long learning process.  I recognized this opportunity as my New Beginning.  All kinds of emotions went through me the day I boarded that Greyhound Bus...in the back of my mind I still heard my father's voice saying "No daughter of mine will be an artist"!  What I realized then is that choosing art as a way of being is the ultimate act of rebellion.  I carried with me a little book of Willa Cather's short stories The Troll Garden and read "Flavia's Artist".  This was definitely my empty-handed leap into the Great Unknown - I had no idea that this was the real beginning of the rest of my life!

HISTORY LESSONS

Stories - I love stories!!! Being a newcomer, everyone wanted to tell me their own family history in New Mexico.  I listened and asked questions.  Most often I was given the gift of generations; stories passed down through families - oral histories that never found their way into print.   It became a habit to listen - my only regret is that I didn't write all of it down - some of it is now lost to memory,

Santa Fe was very small in 1968.  Ernie was well known among the "in crowd" having been introduced by Margaret Jamison.  She created quite a local clientele for his sculptures.  One core group was made up of doctors, lawyers, realtors - all long time residents. At one of these parties I met a prominent realtor named Laughlin Barker who told me that his mother had written a book called The Wind Leaves No Shadow.  It was the story of La Dona Tules, a young girl from Taos who later owned the largest Monte parlor located in Burro Alley.  She became so rich that when she died, she offered a substantial sum of money to the church. She insisted that her grave to be situated right next to the Cathedral.  This was a place of honor among Santa Fe society. Am sure it caused quite a scandal, but the Archibishop took her money and gave her an honored spot in the little graveyard.  (Many years later I worked for a law office on Cathedral Place in the old Archbishop's office.  Was friends with a Mr. Merton, the Custodian of the Cathedral.  One day he ran in to tell me that they were expanding the church buildings and that day they were transferring the remains of La Dona Tules to another cemetery, possibly Rosario which was right over our back fence when we lived on Alegre St.!)

Through Ernie we met Bernique Longley, well known Santa Fe painter who lived on Camino del Monte Sol.  She had built her studio/house from scratch, brick by brick!  She told me stories of her neighborhood - that Willa Cather would visit and stay in a house next to her. Bernique was a great party giver (she sold a lot of her paintings through social connections).  At one party I was introduced to photographer Laura Gilpin.  I sat next to her while she told me stories of her Navajo family on the reservation - subjects of her most iconic photos.  Well known poet and translator Witter Bynner lived right up the road, as did Randall Davey.  The sad part is that I had no idea who these people were in the context of Santa Fe history - my regret is that I didn't pay close enough attention.  The atmosphere at these gatherings was electric, gossipy and oozed creativity!  I was in Art Heaven!

Some afternoons I had the chance to walk down to the Plaza and just explore.  I loved the Native Americans selling their jewelry in front of the Governor's Palace.  The museum was a mandatory stop for me.  Spent many hours at the Shop of the Rainbow Man; my main purpose was to stare at two Nicolai Fechin drawings hung high up in a dusty corner of the shop - they were price at $2000 each back in the day.  There was a bookseller right down the street under an old portal.  He had a full set of novels by Thomas Hardy, signed by the artist and priced at $400!  The books were situated on the top shelf of the shop away from lookie-loos.  He took one volume down and let me open it, I touched Hardy's signature!  I still lust after that set of books!!  That day I bought a copy of Ruth Barker's book about La Dona Tules!

One of the worst experiences of my life brought me to this beautiful place with these all amazing people.  I was beginning to wonder if our move had nothing to do with my marriage.  Was it possible that I was born in Chicago by accident and I really belonged in New Mexico from the very beginning?