WORD PAINTINGS #67 - A BLANK PAGE IN MY BOOK OF LIFE

30 July 2019 - Llano Quemado, N.M.   How do you eat an elephant? .....one bite at a time!  Heard this expression years ago.  It is so good to be reminded that whenever Life comes at me in big, unmanageable chunks, I need to stop whatever I thought needed to be done immediately and just sit quietly or take a good, long nap!

Unpacked the carton with all my oil paints yesterday; organized my brushes in their jars - tried to imagine the best ways to arrange the easels and worktables. Updated my eBay Store in preparation to expand the print section.  At 6PM a carpenter-like lady showed up from Wayfair to assemble a dresser and chair - very complicated - she finished her work at 10:30PM. Hot and tired, we were both relieved when those jobs were done.  She was really happy to start her car at head toward home.  All revved up from all the activity, finally fell asleep about 2AM.  Today is Zombie Time!

Okay - some of the cartons can wait.  I really want to charge up my camera with its brand new wide angle zoom lens and photograph my new surroundings.  The other night a truly spectacular sunset which seemed to last for hours.  Low clouds remained from the afternoon rains.  At first the sky turned yellow as the sun began to lower toward the horizon. Pinks, purples, mauve, yellows, blues - blue pink, blue purple, soft yellow - some clouds in shadow, dark blues and purples....every so often my heart would stop and I had to look away!  It has been years and years since sunsets were part of my everyday existence.  The last time was when I lived in Susie Romero's little adobe in the village of Truchas....over 25 years ago.  It hurts to think it took so long to find this place.    Some rare heavenly gifts should not be photographed or painted...just swallow the lump in the throat and say "Thank You!" 
Perhaps the waiting was all part of the Big Plan.
 
How do I begin to write on this completely blank page in my Book of Life?  Have noticed that I brought most of my precious things -  books, art supplies, my work pants and some new flannel shirts.  Am noticing that these new rooms - each one with a view of clouds and mountains, sunrises and sunsets - have blotted out the ever-present darkness of the last few years. Is it possible that some parts of my sadness was left behind?   

Stream of consciousness - a blank page....answers to my questions.  Now is the time to gather my source material for my winter work.  A fireplace in the studio, a cup of coffee - the familiar odors of  linseed oil and turpentine....close the door and start all over one more time.  Yes, some of the cartons can wait.  One bite at a time....small bits and pieces - progress, not perfection!   Just now a phone call to my bestest photo buddy to schedule an afternoon of "roaming" - start small, start over and see what happens.

The Mayans believe the most sacred places on earth are at the feet of great mountains.   Today I am surrounded by mountains.  This is now my special place.  I try to be as honest as possible in my work and paint what I believe - being close to nature heals, that silence heals and that art has the capacity to uplift our spirits and bring us to a better place.  All essential to our "immense journey" - Peace......

Photo: Donna Clair Original Oil - LISTENING TO MOUNTAINS

WORD PAINTINGS #66 - FIFTY-TWO MONSOONS

Llano Quemado, N.M. - 27 July 2019 - This year's monsoon season seems to be happening all around me, only one brief storm Thursday afternoon.  No reason for complaint - have lived in this new studio for about ten days. Surrounded by mountains, I sit on an old railroad bench under the portal and watch the rain clouds build for the afternoon storms. At dinnertime I can sit at the dining room table and watch the sun set.  One more time I am convinced that there are gifts hidden behind life's darkest times!

Still unpacking boxes.  Setting up my work area today - putting out my brushes and paints.  Plenty of room for my large easel which can now be raised about three more feet to accommodate large canvases.  Hoping to set up a new palette to start work early next week.  Also planning to restart my print business again - a bright sunny room for the computer and print bins.  Another room has been converted to workspace for framing and storage.  And....wait for it....a dishwasher!!!  My Art Gods have outdone themselves this time!

Arrived at the tail end of our first monsoon season - August, 1967.  My grandmother's greatest concern as we left Chicago was that I wouldn't be able to speak the language in this foreign land!  My twin daughters were six months old and their brother, John, was a year and a half!  Was so tired those first days....as the kidlets napped, I would sit on the front steps of that old adobe house on Alegre Street and wonder how the hell I landed on this alien planet called Santa Fe, New Mexico!  The altitude required adjustment and my body just did not want to keep up with the change.  Cold weather in the morning, warm and sunny until the dark clouds built up in the early afternoon and the heavy rains began.  Cold evenings.  Bought my first cord of mixed pinon and cedar logs for $50.00!  It was not apparent to me then that this strange place was where my Real Life would happen!

Here I am on the edge of my 52nd year of New Beginnings. Now what?  Well, this new place is so full of promise.  Just a little south of Taos proper and Ranchos de Taos, Llano Quemado is on a rim road; there is one spot on the drive to the house where I can look out the car window and my view encompasses the great big New Mexico sky, Taos Mountain, the fields and farms in the valley below. Yes, I have already visualized this painting in my head - making the sketches, mixing the colors! Imagining that little valley as the colors change in a few weeks.....gives me palpitations!

A true Virgo, I do not enjoy sudden changes, and once again I am continually surprised.  These past three months have left me breathless! A life and death rescue surgery in April, an unexpected  eviction from the house on Victor Court  and SURPRISE, SURPRISE!!!!  I AM STILL VERY MUCH ALIVE in this dream house with views that stir my soul every day!  Remembering the message in that wonderful book by Amy Sher, This is How I Save My Life - be courageous and as long as there is breath in this body, keep moving - KEEP PAINTING!  Beyond grateful!

WORD PAINTINGS # 65 - LEAVING SANTISTEVAN LANE

Taos, New Mezico - Sunday morning, 14 July 2019.  Have tried not to think too much about my departure from this place - this move was not planned - it was harsh and sudden.    Two months after my surgery, I was basically evicted.  AAAArgh!  Santistevan Lane has been my home for 25 years - 23 years at 313 and two at this little place just down the street. It is said, and I am a firm believer, that you create your own reality!  In my heart I knew this was not was not my forever place - it has been a half-way house where I could heal.  It has gently protected and contained me for the past two years and I will always be grateful for its safety and comfort.  However the clouds and the mountains have been hiding - I know they are there, but my view has literally been blocked.  So again, what appears to be another speed bump on the road of life, turns out to be a blessing in disguise!  

I need to see and feel open space in order to do my work. Still missing my kitchen window at 313 - looking across the backyard to the mountains leading into the Pecos Wilderness.  Many paintings were made from that view - all seasons and all times, it was ever changing.... morning light, sunset glow.  I still carry it with me....

Surrounded by moving boxes this morning....a wonderful cup of coffee.  Had a good night's sleep.  Not really tired.  Wakened yesterday to a feeling of deep gratitude for just being alive. On that emergency plane ride to the hospital in Colorado, I totally surrendered to whatever my Art Gods were planning - the Big Easel in the Sky, or more time to make more paintings.  It is obvious now that I have more time - what a GIFT!!!

Another empty-handed leap into the void!  Moving into a real studio space -large, light, airy, open!  360 degree views of the sky - a few mountains in the distance, the rim road, below a valley of lush green fields - just waiting to be painted!   Excited to start using my new wide angle zoom lens.  The fall colors are fast approaching.  Gabe Abrums at Chimayo Trading is expanding his wall space by five rooms and wants some larger work!   Visions of clouds on canvas - just big floaty clouds, dark blowy storms, rosy sunsets!   Yes, it is so good to be alive!

Some of my best work has been done here on Santistevan Lane - touch the walls, say "thank you" for sheltering me - I am truly grateful.  In a few days life will move on for me one more time.  Planning to leave behind the "old me".  Taking my paints and brushes to a whole New Beginning.... a delicious mystery!!  Never a dull moment.... 

WORD PAINTINGS #64 - LIFE IS FULL OF SURPRISES!

Seven days in the hospital and finally I was told I could go home.  Said goodbye to all the wonderful nurses and aides on the Trauma Ward.  Wheelchair to the parking lot and reintroduced to brilliant sunshine - clouds, fresh air.  A friend drove the shortest route back to Taos.  To my great surprise, I was alive!!!! The nurses told me I was strong - recovery would take  a full six months - but I was otherwise quite healthy.

The landscape revived me.  Several deep, deep breaths, a few quiet tears and my heart was back in my body!  As we neared the Colorado/New Mexico border, the landscape opened to miles and miles of fields and tall mountains.  Just past Walsenburg to the left of the highway loomed Spanish Peaks!!!    Patches of snow still clung to the side of the mountains....dark clouds hovered over the top of the them like a  crown!  "Spanish Peaks. The Spanish Peaks are a pair of prominent mountains located in southwestern Huerfano County, Colorado. The Ute Indians named them Huajatolla (pronounced Wa-ha-toy-a), meaning "two breasts" or "breasts of the Earth".  I felt Mother Earth - the feminine - so strongly as we drove past.  When I researched the history, I was not surprised!

So many changes! Mountain Home Health nurses visited three times a week. Made new women friends.  Felicia, Jenny, Keely; as in the hospital, I was in the arms of angels!  Felicia kept telling me that I was strong and that God had saved me for a purpose.  God and I had not been on friendly terms since the death of my son - I had lost my faith and the magic of believing and trusting the ground beneath my feet.       

These past six years have been tumultuous. Arriving back home to this little house on Victor Court there was a feeling of peace that I hadn't felt for a very long time.  The early evening sun glowed on my two easels, the paintings on the walls welcomed me as old friends.  Many posts ago I wrote "Just tell God your plans and He laughs!"  The 12th of May was quite an amazing day - my whole life changed again in a matter of hours.  Felicia and Megs, her nurse in training, visited for the last time to have me sign discharge papers - they brought lunch.  We had some great laughs and  even better hugs.

Right after the nurses left the phone rang and I was informed this little nest of mine was being sold - my fourth move in six years.  During that phone call there was a beep - another call.  Gabe Abrums from Chimayo Trading in Ranchos de Taos Plaza and asked if I could do some oils of Ranchos de Taos - my answer was "yes"!    In the meantime my new 30"x40" RAIN OF GOLD (see above) was completed last week and sits on my big easel as it dries - it is a winner!  Gabe will pick it up on Monday  as soon as it is varnished and signed.

Next day I went on Craig's list, there were two houses for rent .  One house sits above the Ranchos Valley  (there are no accidents) - all I have to do is walk to the end of the driveway - summer, spring or fall and there are fields just waiting to be painted! 

My friends Dan and Doug were here today.  Dan fixed the computer - iCloud blackmailed me into buying 2 more Terrabytes of computer storage space for $9.99 a month.  Doug packed 14 boxes from my studio workroom - frames and canvases.  I packed up the brushes and some packets of flower seeds - am told it is okay for me to have a garden in this new place - now I can watch things grow and watch sunset clouds float by.....stay tuned.  As long as there is breath in your body, keep moving! That Big Easel in the Sky will have to wait.

WORD PAINTINGS #63 -ADIOS A LA VIDA AND HELLO AGAIN!

"And the Moon said to me - My darling, you do not have to be whole in order to shine!"

Taos - 29 June 2019 - Yesterday I called my genius computer friend, Dan Kuehn, and asked him if we could revive my Word Paintings blog - I was ready to tell my stories again.

Deleted this blog in March of this year.  Was saddened by all my old memories - disheartened.  Didn't feel well.  Just thought it was the onset of my dotage....the inevitable decline.  Had no clue what was on that rocky road of Life - WOW!  With all my heart I try to live a peaceful little life  - I wasn't looking for anymore drama - my Art Gods seemed to have other ideas!  Little did I know then that I was headed into another tornado season - a Dorothy and Toto time where the winds just pick me up and toss me about until I once again return to earth and am given another New Beginning.

Where do I start?  Last Christmas.  I wanted to be alone.  My son, John, had died on Christmas Eve four years earlier.  Faked cheerfulness until I could no longer fool myself - I wasn't being honest.  Needed to really feel my feelings - the loss - take my life back from that deep grief.  The clouds began to part.  Read about the Swedish ritual of "death cleansing".  Began another purge of the odd bits and pieces I once thought were necessary to make me happy.  Made my Will, Power of Attorney - put it all into a binder.  Feeling ill - made it through those days with great difficulty.  Yes, this is how it happens - you get old, you get sick and then you die.

Planned to have my hair cut the afternoon of April 11th.  Wrote out the check - my friend came over with her scissors - gave her the check and told her not to come in because I had the flu.  In the course of the afternoon sickness overwhelmed me and I called my friend and helper, Doug Yeager, to take me to the ER.  We waited and waited.  Finally  I suggested he get some Gatorade and take me home.  He shook his head "NO"! His refusal to leave began a series of events that would save my life.  Was put in the care of Dr. Sara Bush. After taking my vitals and Xrays, she told me I needed to be airlifted to UCHealth in Colorado Springs.  Unable to find anyone locally, she put me in an ambulance to the Taos airport at two that morning. Her quick decisions and actions are the reason I'm still here!

Once the plane was in the air, it was time to surrender it all - serious thoughts of dying had been with me often since John died.  Here was my chance - I could let go at any time - I felt very peaceful.   I truly wasn't afraid.  Had just read a book called This is How I Save My Life, "as long as there is breath in your body, just keep moving".  Listening to the sound of the plane engine that night, with absolutely no control of this outcome, I let go!  I would take this experience one little step at a time.  There was a big painting of a tree on my easel back at home - I began thinking of that  canvas, painting it in my head...

Emergency Room, bright lights, doctors, nurses, gurney - wheeling me around from one place to another. Admission - great nurse, calmed me down -  floating into the Big Unknown.  Surgeon Dr. Fair explained that the surgery I needed was rare and complicated.  A large stone had migrated from my gallbladder and was causing a full blockage - life-saving operation at the hands of this young man who looked like he could be my infant son!  Another angel in green scrubs!  They removed my little gold hoop earrings, gave them to a stern security guard for safe-keeping.  The anesthesiologist put a big patch on my back for the Fentanyl and I was sent to sleep with my guardian angels for a while - just so they could work their life-saving magic!  Let the healing continue....!   

WORD PAINTINGS #62 - TAOS, Monday 3/11/19

A cold and rainy Monday morning.  Want to stay in the cozy warmth of my little bed.  Have a huge mental list of  things I need to accomplish today.  There is always a to do list, isn't there?  How would my life have purpose and meaning without it? Fixed a good strong cup of coffee, fluffed up my pillows and here I am, all settle in for a few hours - the rest of the day?  Who knows!  This is absolute decadence and I love it!

Yesterday I had a phone call from my brother.  We talked about our dad.  I couldn't remember when he died - 1979.  My mother was in her late 60s - she was left with nothing.  Still in denial that his death at 67 was brought on by alcoholism, she had never been taught to take care of herself.  He was the "man", he made the decisions and it was her job to "grin and bear it".   No one taught her how to drive and when he died she had no clue how to write a check or manage finances!  Her happiest time was when we lived in Milwaukee and she was "allowed" to have a job selling yard goods at Shuster's Department Store.  Am certain she earned very little, but it was the first time she felt in charge of her life - she felt some measure of power.  That was taken away from her when he decided to follow his job back to Chicago.  None of us had a say in the move.  She had no power over her life until after he died.

In my experience at that time women were handcuffed  by cultural norms. We lived in a Polish neighborhood.  Many traditions came over on the boat from the "old country".  Roles of women were set in stone.  Being a housewife and mother was okay.  Higher education was a step too far.  Once I graduated from high school and got a job to "help out", taking care of my parents for the rest of their lives became my job.  It was a given.  College was out of the question.  When I received my acceptance at the Chicago Art Institute and asked my father if I could attend, he said "No daughter of mine will be an artist!"  I felt trapped.  There was no escape.

All of a sudden women were burning their bras and fighting for equal rights.  Feminism became a dirty word.  A "movement" was forming and it had strength and power.  Men dug in. One side against the other.  If you stood up for your rights, you were "one of them"!  I was confused.  Deep inside I had this radical notion that my life was mine - I resented being shackled by what I felt was ruthless convention.  Sadly I was born without the road map - the book titled "How to Be an Artist for Dummies" hadn't yet been written.  The next fifty years of my life would be a Great Adventure - the very good, the very bad and sometimes the very ugly!  What a ride!!!

Sometimes what starts out as a little memory morphs into a much larger context.  My next blog post after this will be about the strong women I met after moving to New Mexico.  Women who came out West and lived loudly outside the lines. And then came National Woman's Day last week.  Along with it was talk of reviving the Equal Rights Amendment.  Yes, the woman's movement was all mixed in with my move to New Mexico.   My voyage of self-discovery took a surprising turn.   I found a way to escape through marriage.  The magic carpet ride became complicated and more than a little confusing.  My father's words followed me for years.  I never really became a feminist - there wasn't enough time.  Each day was a new challenge to sort out my priorities - children, law office, painting.  One day at a time, one step at a time - all I ever wanted to do was be a good mother and make art.  Was that so radical?  Thanking my Art Gods every day for the strong and beautiful women who showed me the way.....

Am almost embarrassed (not really) - it is almost noon!  Rise and shine!!!  Oh, NO!!! YES!!! NO!! YES!!! Four more canvases to complete for Gabe Abrums at Chimayo Trading.  Sending him fifteen new pieces at the end of this month; all my work from the first of this year.  Several large blank canvases are standing against the wall just waiting to be sketched.   They have already been painted in my head several times.  Set up a new palette this afternoon....each day a New Beginning!    

WORD PAINTINGS #61 - BABES IN THE WOODS

We were innocents - much like an isolated Amazonian tribe that had never seen an airplane.   We had no clue that Santa Fe would eventually rank second only to New York in art sales! All we wanted to do was make our art and then maybe we could show our work at jean Seth's Gallery on Canyon Road or at Jamison gallery at La Fonda.  Many of the potters and weavers sold directly from their studios.  There were really fine painters to the north of us in Taos following in the footsteps of Blumenschein, Higgins, Couse, and Sharp.  Rod Goebel, Walt Gonske, Ron Barsano, Ray Vinella would set a new standard for New Mexico artists. Toward the south in Albuquerque were the Moderns like Raymond Johnson who worked to build the fine art collection at the museum there.

At this time the Native Americans had very few venues to show their work except for Indian Market and at their pueblos.  There were a few who had regular spots to show their jewelry in front of the Palace of the Governors.  They, too, had no idea that the market for Native American art was about to Explode!

Rex Arrowsmith had a small bronze foundry on the corner of Paseo de Peralta (now the home of Nedra Matteucci Gallery). About this time he entered into partnership with a very ambitious ex-pat Texan named Forrest Fenn. A young fellow named Tommy Hicks started a bronze foundry in the small village of Tesuque just north of Santa Fe.  A group of "hippies" started the Glory Hole Glass Works on Canyon Road.    The hub of activity on Canyon Road was Three Cities of Spain (now Geronimo's) - across the street there would be a new restaurant named Ernie's. Jean Seth benefited greatly from all the traffic being engendered by these new businesses.  My friend, Edda Lynne Allen, opened her gallery and began showing a young Native American painter named Dan Namingha (for many years now the owner and main artist for the very successful Niman Gallery).

It would take a while, but the cowboy artists were just beginning to be aware of the new market opening up in Santa Fe.  They were well fed by art collectors in the oil business - Dallas and Houston.  Little ol' Santa Fe????  Let the games begin!!!

Let me paint another Word Picture.....Compared to 2019, artists had very few ways of building a client base, unless they did bank shows, were socially adept (attended all openings, parties) or hauled precious work to outdoor exhibits. Ernie and I attended at least two or three art fairs a year.  I kept names of lookers and buyers on 4"x5" index cards and would send postcard invitations to our exhibits.  Somehow it worked - sales were usually good.  This second "job" of mine was paying the bills!

Imagine trying to do an art business today without computers or cell phones - or a support system of available framers, photographers, and sellers of art supplies. A man named Bernie Bowman and his partner had s small frame shop in Burro Alley next to the Palace Restaurant.  He sold to a fairly high priced clientele and his prices were out of my reach. I bought stock frames in Albuquerque.  In the middle of the store was a small table with some paint tubes and a few brushes.  If we needed to stock up, we had to travel to Langell's near the university in Albuquerque.  No  digital cameras back in the day! A fellow named Milo was a very laid back "professional photographer" who could be called upon to do black and white publicity photos.   Trying to put all the pieces together for an exhibit was indeed a challenge!

Truth is, except for my workshop experience with Jan Herring, I had no idea how a REAL professional artists managed - I still had a lot to learn!!!!! My art life was made easier because Ernie had gallery experience in Santa Fe and El Paso - both good markets for his sculptures - he paved the way....