WORD PAINTINGS #78 - ORDINARY DAYS CONTINUED....

THANKSGIVING DAY - 28 November 2019 - Llano Quemado, New Mexico

Up at 6AM - Out to the kitchen to make my coffee....silence. Snowstorm during the night - about two inches on the ground.  A soft light creeping over the foothills towards Pecos.  Nothing moving - complete stillness - a moment in time when the pendulum stops before it turns in another direction.

Warm and cozy - still tucked in.  Gathering energy to begin my day.  Setting up a new palette this morning - another New Beginning!  Adapting, adjusting to all the changes this year.  This new home/studio continues to inspire...

What is an "ordinary day"? Two weeks ago every day was spent gessoing canvases in preparation for the winter work.  Last week I gathered source material together.   Front and center is a 40"x30" painting of Hunter's Moon - the view from the front portal in the middle of October. Have painted it in my head so many times since that evening that I almost know all the color mixtures by heart - know how to lay in the underpainting.  It is almost organic - have mixed the glazes in my imagination and know how they might work over the first layer of paint.  The well prepared blank canvas now sets on the big easel, just waiting....

In between the larger canvas work, I need to gesso more of those small Italian linen panels for Small Paintings 2020.  Such a joyful experiment this year! In an effort to recover from my surgery and the surprise move to this new place, I began these "studies" to bring back my muscle memory - reconnect all the working parts - my heart, eyes, hand coordination.  Had no idea how important these would be to bringing me back to life.  They became my daily routine - the return to my ordinariness.  Ten little underpaintingsjust waiting to be completed. Hallelujah!

Where is all this going?  Making some big changes which will allow greater freedom in the making and selling of my work.  A new sense of excitement is building....

In the meantime am enjoying the snow/cloudy view from my bedroom window.  Waking up - it is so good to be alive!   My Art Gods are all around me again....welcome back, Guys - thanks for your patience!!! Let's start all over one more time....  

WORD PAINTINGS #77 - "ORDINARY DAYS"

TAOS MOUNTAIN - 7 NOVEMBER 2019

“The images of peace are ephemeral. The language of peace is subtle. The reasons for peace, the definitions of peace, the very idea of peace have to be invented, and invented again.
Children, everybody, here’s what to do during war: In a time of destruction, create something. A poem. A parade. A community. A school. A vow. A moral principle. One peaceful moment.”

—From THE FIFTH BOOK OF PEACE, Maxine Hong Kingston

WORD PAINTINGS #76 - "OUT OF THE WILDERNESS"

                                  ROAD TO WILDERNESS GATE (Truchas, New Mexico)
Llano Quemado, New Mexico - 2 November 2019 - This painting always reminds me of the day I was lost in a small meadow while hiking to the top of Truchas Peaks with a group of friends.  So out of shape from sitting at the easel every day I was crazy to think I could climb a mountain at 60 years of age.  My shoes were soaked, I had no idea of how I arrived at this place alone - brought up all my issues of abandonment!!! Sat on a big rocky rock for a couple of hours. Thought maybe if I stayed there the rescue helicopters would find me in a day or two starving and dying of thirst! (Always a Drama Queen)  Late afternoon -- just as I had decided to follow the small river back down to Truchas, I heard the sound of voices. Another group of hikers invited me to walk back to town with them.  Such relief!!!  One of the men admonished me and said "Next time find some friends who will walk at your own speed!"  Life lesson learned, forgotten and learned again many times over!

Today is Saturday - slept until ten.  Always a lovely surprise to open my eyes to another day on earth! Have many things on my to do list.....gesso new canvases, organize source material begin my winter work.  Blocking in some underpaintings.  Long shower, wonderful cup of coffee - opened the window shades to another dazzling morning!  Falling back into ordinariness after all the high drama earlier this year.  Life is simple again - very quiet....no confusion.  All my work right in front of me. Adding prints and paintings to my Online Gallery for the holidays.  Planning to do a 40"X30" painting of Hunter's Moon - view from my portal of the last full moon.  Also some small auction paintings - I love the routine of my daily life - keep walking around saying "thank you" under my breath.  Made a big pot of vegetable soup with some Polish dumplings.  

My friend and helper, Doug Yeager, took this photo this week.  Posted it to my website - a note to remind myself that I can still do some large work....visions of more large paintings dancing in my head!  Have wanted to do "Don Gregorio's Winter Field" for many years.  This was the view from the front door of my little adobe house the last time I lived in Truchas.  Summer, winter, spring and fall - this place was my view to the eternal nature of life - a quiet mystery. And a constant surprise...sunrises, sunsets, summer  storms, winter snows - changing every minute, every second.  Beautifully framed, this painting now hangs on my studio wall.  It is not quite the same as being there, but in completing this canvas I was able to emerge from the wilderness one more time! 

WORD PAINTINGS #75 - GOING TO GROUND

Hunter's Moon - view from the front portal

Llano Quemado - 19 October 2019

Some people are slower than others to understand what it means to live in the present; I was one of them!  Seemed to bounce from one drama to another this year - very little painting - until now.  This weekend a new 48"x36" snow painting - Don Gregorio's Winter Field will be completed.  My next post on this blog will be a photo of the canvas and the story to go along with it.  How excited am I?  I am over the Moon (no pun intended).

That Big Easel in the Sky beckoned last April.  Two months later I was packing up the house at 223 and had no idea where I would land.  How is that for living by the seat of one's pants?  Logged onto Craig's list one morning at two o'clock and pictures of this new studio were the first to pop up.  If I had written a list of everything I needed - clouds, mountain views, sunsets - and of course a walk-in shower - this place was eerily close to my sugar plum visions!  The landlord had to do a background check which took about two very tense weeks before I was given the green light and could give him my deposit.

Life has changed profoundly.  Little things no longer bother the way they did before and patience seems to be a regular visitor. The word "surrender" was foreign to me - not in my vocabulary - no way .   Morning words in my daily journal now end with "Today is all there is...."  

Chaos and confusion are no longer the order of the day. Beginning with my new small paintings a sense of purpose is being restored in small bits and pieces.  This place is silent and peaceful. And wonder of all wonders I am at the easel daily.  Pictures of new paintings pop into view and I can focus on the work again.  Hallelujah!  And to think I came that close to giving away my big sturdy easel and all my paints!

Last Saturday evening I put on a jacket, picked up my camera and just sat on the old railroad bench to watch the full moon rise over the foothills towards Pecos.  The more the sky darkened the moon shone brighter with every second.  I was thrilled to be here - in this place, on this planet.  What a wonderful surprise!!!!  Yes, I am slowly coming to ground one more time. How does one put "quiet joy" on a canvas?  Think I am going to give it a try!    

WORD PAINTINGS #74 - THE LAY OF THE LAND

LLANO QUEMADO, NEW MEXICO - 13 October 2019  

The studios in Tesuque and Victor Court were not open to the sky and they were very claustrophobic.  Had talked with a friend and discussed a field trip north to Cimarron or the San Luis Valley.  Almost gasping for space - clouds, sunsets - mountains....views!  Saw some of George Carlson's new paintings of  the Channeled Scablands in Washington State.  They are at once powerful and meditative - space and geological time.   Love his work.  He is my favorite living artist and has inspired me ever since he was a young painter in Taos.  His pastels of the Tarahumara in Copper Canyon prompted me to travel to Guatemala in 1991.  It is a long story.... Again I am inspired greatly by his current work.

A short field trip at sunset to explore my new neighborhood called Llano Quemado this past Tuesday.  My first impression was somewhat disappointing.  These three photos were the best from that evening.  Am not yet "attached" to this place.  Acres and acres of sagebrush, very old and abandoned adobes hidden behind heavily wired fences and gates. The grand view across the fields and small farms below is Taos Mountain at sunset.  The light is constantly changing....every second of every day.

An epiphany this morning - my prayers for light and open spaces have been answered!  This place is not about history or nostalgia - it is more ethereal, heavenly.  Would love to explain what I am feeling, but understanding eludes me.  The dramatic clouds of the monsoon are gone.  Skies are blue and cloudless this afternoon as they were earlier this week.  News of huge winter storms in Colorado.  Am patient - anticipating all the changes  this winter will bring.  Mountain snows tend to accentuate the geometry of the landscape....winter colors always surprise me in their soft beauty.  

Adapting - another cord of wood from Costilla on Sunday.  Paints and brushes at the ready! Here is my blank canvas...just waiting.  In a way I am a stranger to this time and place.  I have never been 80 and I don't know how to navigate my way through this uncertainty. One day at a time, one step at a time.  There are no accidents.  This new place feels like a gift - something I didn't earn.  Perhaps all that brought me here is just plain Grace...    

 

 

 

WORD PAINTINGS #73 - FIVE FINGER EXERCISES

6 October 2019 - Llano Quemado, New Mexico 

 SMALL PAINTINGS 2020

Coming back to life is a slow process.  Have not been able to paint very much this year.  Likening this time to what a ballerina must feel like after breaking a toe - all the muscle memory must be brought back to life before she can dance again.  Started painting after one month in this new studio.  Small Paintings 2020 are my way of waking up the connection between what my mind sees and what my fingers can do - yes, five finger exercises.  Am starting all over again one more time!

After returning home from Colorado, a wonderful nurse named Felicia tried to convince me that I had survived for a reason.  Okay - last month I celebrated my eightieth birthday.  Dare I dream that I can recover my muscle memory?  Each day is different.  Some are more difficult than others.  Coming down from all of the chaos after the surgery and the move.   This new studio is quite peaceful....starting those small paintings has renewed my sense of discipline - shower, coffee and toast and back to the brushes and paints - every day.  Pablo Casals a very old man loving his cello....Bach serenades.   Routine, purpose - the meaning of me becomes clearer with every little painting. A renewed sense of accomplishment.....good things to come.

Almost gave away my large easel earlier this year - and all my paints and brushes!!!!  Believe this was the lead up to my health crisis in April - I was very sick.  Now a new 48"x36" canvas is underpainted and ready to go - Don Gregorio's Winter Field - starting work on it tomorrow.....

Each fall for many years I make an inventory of the supplies I will need to get me through the winter...and I plan some field trips to gather new source material.  A monster box of paints, gesso and turpentine arrived last week from Jerry's Artarama.  Huge step!!!  Now there is no going back - it is all beginning....life makes sense again.  Field trip this coming week.  Photos of the views of Ranchos valley from the rim road - at sunset.  The leaves are are beginning to turn.  Am unfamiliar with this part of Taos.

  

“The images of peace are ephemeral. The language of peace is subtle. The reasons for peace, the definitions of peace, the very idea of peace have to be invented, and invented again.
Children, everybody, here’s what to do during war: In a time of destruction, create something. A poem. A parade. A community. A school. A vow. A moral principle. One peaceful moment.”

—From THE FIFTH BOOK OF PEACE, Maxine Hong Kingston

WORD PAINTINGS #72 - SEEING DINOSAURS

 

Las Nubes de Truchas (The Clouds of Truchas)

As soon as there is stopping, there is happiness. There is peace. When we stop like that, it looks as if nothing is happening, but in fact everything is happening. You are deeply established in the present moment, and you touch your cosmic body. You touch eternity. There is no more restlessness, no more seeking.

- Thich Nhat Hanh

Sitting on the old railroad bench under the front portal this morning there was a huge cloud in the shape of a dinosaur! It morphed into a huge standing bear - a few minutes later over the Pecos foothills, another dinosaur!  Have been a cloud watcher since I was a child - some don't understand what is missing when you can't look up and see the sky.  (Looking at an iphone)  One of my most favorite cloud watching spots was the old teepee platform on the horse ranch in Truchas....instead of painting, I would just spread my arms out to the sky and watch the clouds for hours (painting with my mind!) 

While fixing my morning coffee last week a beautiful coyote jogged right in front of the kitchen window - probably on his way to join his relatives.  Most nights you can hear them singing to the moon - I have dubbed them the Supremes!  Down the road a feisty rooster crows loudly every morning about 4AM - no longer any need for an alarm clock!

So much has happened in the past five months - I don't know where to start.  Just beginning to process that emergency plane ride to the hospital in Colorado Springs and the profound changes in my life since that event.  Asked the nurse for an extra blanket - the stretcher was narrow and uncomfortable and I was freezing.  "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change and the power to change the things I can" At that moment I knew I was completely powerless.  Suddenly my body relaxed.  In the span of a few short breaths, I let go - complete and total surrender.  Would I live?  Would I die? Strangely I new I would be at peace either way.   

As we arrived at the hospital I could see the lights inside - doors opened, nurses and orderlies hurried me out of the plane; from the serious speed with which they hustled me inside, I knew it was entirely possible that I might not make it.  Just a few minutes before I released the outcome - if this was the night I would go to that Big Easel in the Sky, it was okay with me.  There was no fear, but some new strength came through me.  This was not a time to ask questions or make demands - just be quiet - let these doctors and nurses do what they do best.  Any fear left me. My life was in their hands.

Sparing the grisly details - except for the still reddish foot long scar down my middle (with a very polite detour around my belly button!), I am healing nicely.  They removed much more than a blockage - still looking for my snarkiness (my inner bitch), my urge to find all that is wrong with the world, my need for perfection - and the deep dark grief that hung over all my waking days since my son John died.  Gone - all gone.  After seven  days a wheelchair was brought to my room and in one short elevator ride I was sitting in a parking lot under the warm Colorado sun!  Now what? 

Soon to celebrate my eightieth year on earth as a recovering drama queen - was it time for me to die?  Every morning I wake up and ask myself one question - what if I live for another twenty years?  One step at a time - one day at a time.....life always surprises me!!!